Good and Bad Decisions

When I typed out the subject title, I immediately thought of the "Good Idea Bad Idea" segment in Animaniacs. There were a bunch of them, but here's a clip to give you an idea of what I'm talking about. 

I last left you in the middle of a Sunday. So we'll just pick up from that moment. Soccer. There was soccer. The much anticipated game against Genny's non-existent team. I arrived at Jenner Field at 4:45 and watched the end of the game before ours. Got a wonderful back hug from Rachel (R-hug count at 2 for Sunday). To make it better, I warned her that I was a bit sweaty and she still went for it. That's dedication to the craft. 

Genny arrived to give me a tap on the right shoulder, only to fake me out and appear on my left. It was all too reminiscent of Chris Wong's shenanigans at youth group, and never fails to make me feel like a fool. Ali showed up and we had a good hug (it had been a while since I had spent much time with her, I missed her). Alexis came out of Jenner and the hugging only continued (hugging quota off the charts, I'm on fire). Genny had a total of three players so players from other teams filled in for them. Technically, they'd have to forfeit, but I don't think anybody cares enough about it. It's all for the love of the game. 

Well fast forward to kickoff, but not much further after that or you'll miss the first goal scored against us. Has to be a record of some kind. We shrugged it off as we weren't really in the game yet, but then 4 more goals later within the half and we came to terms that we really sucked. I pulled an Adrian Aucoin in overtime of game 2 of the Blackhawks vs. Coyotes series last season (any hockey-loving Canadian should just look it up to avoid me judging you for forgetting). I had the ball, and made a weak pass that was easily intercepted and cashed in on. 3 of the 5 we let in were some pretty atrocious goals. One goal was a tip in and another was just great soccer as Colonel was completely undressed on D. I think all but one of the goals were scored by the pick-up players (who were from a far superior team). Now I know that nobody likes losing even if we're just playing for fun, but I also knew that Genny was really enjoying herself and in all honesty that was all I cared about. She had only been able to play one game before this because their other games resulted in forfeits and that one game was in an 11-1 loss. I knew that what was taking place wasn't exactly "fair" but given the caliber of play we had, we at least deserved to be down by 3. 

After the first half, we had a pep talk, except for Colonel who was talking to the other team. My gut told me he was complaining and sure enough I was right. The second half had us playing 6 on 5. Somehow in the complaining and negotiating we had found ourselves in a very twisted game with a handicap. We tied the game up and then allowed 6 on 6 play. I felt sick to my stomach. There were so many better ways to deal with this. We could have avoided all of this by turning the scoreboard back to 0-0 and saying that Genny's original team had to be on instead of having periods where it was mainly the pickups. We could have suggested that the pick-ups play goalie and D and Genny's team play up front or that the pickups wouldn't be allowed to score but only set up goals. I don't know, I just know it could have been dealt with more tastefully. Once we were all tied up the game went better. We ended up winning, but it was very bittersweet. During the handsakes, Genny and I gave each other a big sweaty hug. I asked her if she had fun and she said yes. Highlight of the game belongs to Ali who scored an even strength goal by being at the right place at the right time. We chatted with Rachel & Alexis after the game and enjoyed typical give and take banter. Then I walked to the main gate with Ali who told me that she thought Genny was a sweet girl. It was just one of those moments where you've clearly been a bit perturbed for the past hour only to switch to sheer joy because somehow, by coincidence, someone says something that you've always wanted people to know. If Ali hadn't said that, I would have spent the rest of the evening in a very negative mood. And it's not like Ali knew what was going on in my head. It was just one of those awesome moments where random decisions fell into place to bless me with this gift. I don't know how to explain it. It was a bit supernatural for me. The decision for Ali to introduce herself to Genny a week earlier as they were walking home in the same direction. The decision for me to walk to the main gate to take the long way home with Ali instead of the direct route on my own. The decision for Ali to bring it up when we had been talking about something completely different. It's just kind of mind blowing and maybe you think I'm looking into this way too deep, but that's how much it affected me. My heart literally warmed and the knots in my stomach unraveled. I slept well that night.

I was able to sleep in as Dr. White had the first two hours of lecture. Once I came in, I found my spot next to Genny and we were able to chat about the game. I felt it necessary to apologize for what happened. She admitted that she was confused as to how the game played out, but she had a good time either way and that was the whole point. I reaffirmed her that if her team disbands, that she's got a spot on our roster and that it'll be there next semester too. I stuck around for an hour of lecture and then spent about half an hour chatting and praying with friends. Came in for the last 20 minutes of the last lecture, had lunch with Harper, then chatted with Janos and his friend Carlo, then headed to lab to dissect the anterior abdominal wall, then back to C5 to study. Grabbed a quick dinner to eat in the CAC. Nobody in there, just quiet, which is nice. Then Chelsea stopped by to say hi and chat, which is absolutely fine. She's a really chill person who kind of reminds me of Meg. She was talking about school and then quoted me on something I said at the Mixer (I still feel just as awkward about it as the first time) and how she feels at ease about things because of it. Then she took off to do some evening yoga with Trudy.

Back to C5 to finish pancakes. Courtney studies in C5 as well. We'll give each other a head nod if it happens that we're both looking up from our notes (meaning we don't head nod that often), but this time she was in the row behind me and I was returning to my seat after printing out notes. She looked up and started talking. She was going over a pretty tough BioChem lecture that I remember dreading from last semester. Notes were written all over the printed out Powerpoint slides, then she showed me a printed out study product that had just as much written notation on it as the slides, then showed me the open BioChem textbook that was supplementing the notes. She said how clueless she was as to what she actually needed to know. I let her talk through her reasoning as she was cradling the textbook, holding up the study product in her left and the slides in her right. She had a overwhelmed look on her face and then asked me how she should organize her notes. I put my hands down on the papers she was holding and she relaxed her hands on the table. Just looked at her and said "What you're doing, is perfect. All this is great and you're on the right track. You're putting all these pieces together and making sure you're understanding the information. There is not a single thing wrong. You've used the slides and product in a way that complements each other, so it makes sense for them to be together in the order of info covered. Seriously, you've got this." I had this feeling that she just needed to be reassured; that there wasn't really any advice to be had or doled out. She gave me a knowing smile and said "Thank you".

Tuesday, was a standard day of lecture. I noticed Genny wasn't taking notes as much as she usually was. I was surprised when she told me she couldn't focus and cut out early. I knew the feeling all too well, but Genny has been pretty good about staying on top of things. It seems to be the general feeling for the class right now. During break, Danielle who sits in front of me turned around to give me some chocolate chip cookies she baked. Not a bad way for the morning to go, too bad the lectures weren't as delicious. Lunch with Harper, then hit the books 'til 3, then went to my Dr. appt to be reaffirmed that my thyroid hormones are "very normal". The way he said it made it sound like he didn't understand why the test was done and the look he gave me when I said "That's great!" made him ask why. Poor guy, must not know how to read my file. I gently reminded him (as I had seen him less than a week ago) that I had Grave's and the medication I was on and then the light went on in his head. Good times. Headed home to grab my hoodie and an envelope to send my insurance claim in for the blood test. Back to campus to try studying again only to succumb to heavy eyes and pass out on the desk. I normally nap for about 20-30 minutes, but when I woke up the lights seemed absurdly bright and when my eyes focused on the time I discovered that I was out for an hour (at least). Definitely took me by surprise and kinda threw off the flow of the day. I was still tired, wanted to study, but couldn't focus. At 6:30, I headed out with Ali to help her put up posters for the dodgeball tourny she's organizing for the Salybia club. Then grabbed dinner and chatted with Janos in the CAC. The rest of the night was MOTS.

Wednesday, the alarm went off at 6:45, snoozed twice, then turned it off and woke up at 8:25. I don't get why I'm so tired. Maybe it's just sleep debt that's accruing and reaching critical levels. Maybe it's that this block is really boring. Maybe I just really want to go home. Probably a combination of all of the above. Skipped breakfast so I could make the 9 o'clock lecture which was horrendous. The last two hours were pretty good with Dr. Yin where the greater curvature of the stomach was likened to J-Lo's obnoxiously perfect derriere. Finally classes ended and lunch was to be had. As I waited in line at the taco bowl shack, I found myself with a set of arms thrown around me from behind. I tried looking but just saw Ali next to me (so logic told me it wasn't Ali - I'm going to be doctor). Opted to reciprocate the back hug by throwing my arms back around whoever was behind me. Well once I heard the familiar laugh, I knew I was getting an R-hug. The day just got better. Erin, Ali, Rachel, Harper and I all had lunch together, talked a little politics, then went our separate ways. At 1, I headed to lab demo. I've been insanely apathetic about lab this semester. I'm not being as careful in my dissections and not being as prepared for demos. It's the general feeling for our semester. After semester 2 we don't have labs and we don't have SGL, which is all kinds of awesome. After demo, it was back to C5. Settled into my spot and then Ali came by to drop off my sunglasses and wallet which I had absentmindedly left by her spot prior to leaving for demo. I took my water bottle with me but not the other two items. Obviously, I'm off my game. We shared an exasperated laugh and moment of "med school sucks" then finally split up to attempt to get work done. Endured an hour of constant yawning when I decided, I'd need some help. Headed to the nearest store to buy a bottle of Coke and a bag of Skittles. Briefly thought about getting one of those 5-hour energy drinks, but figured I'd opt for Coke given that I don't drink a lot of sweetened or caffeinated beverages so I might as well go for the next level up instead of jumping up to the energy drink level. I downed the Coke and Skittles in minutes, washed it down with water. It worked. I wasn't tired, I was alert. I needed to pee. Got the products done. Went for dinner with Malini, Jerome, and Dimal. Came back to C5 to read a textbook and print out notes. Then home.

Other new developments outside of medschool:
1. Livestrong doesn't give any of their funds to cancer research. They've raised over $470 million dollars and none of it has gone towards searching for a cure. Seriously, check out their website and see for yourself. About 80% of the funds go towards their programs, but all of their programs are supportive to remove stigma, raise awareness, help with transition. There's one program that involves research, but it's pertaining to fertility for cancer treatments that affect fertility. Am I the only one who finds this a bit off? Don't get me wrong, the programs sound good, but you'd hope that at least a little bit would go towards removing the need for their programs. Admittedly, I was disappointed to find that out. 
2. Ann Coulter is an incredibly insensitive bully with little to no regard for the global community nor the negative influence she has on it. Her repetitive use of the R-word is infuriating, not to mention, unnecessary. ("R" does not stand for "Rachel" in this case)
3. Finally checked out Joshua Radin's album "Underwater" that he released last month. Pleasantly surprised that it was more reminiscent of "We Were Here" than "Simple Times". Good stuff
4. Just bought Aidan Knight's new album "Small Reveal". Classic Aidan. Get yourself a copy and support your local talent!

Up at 6:45 and I got a good amount of sleep. Close to 8 hours. Showered up and headed to campus for a full day of classes. Thankfully the first two hours that were supposed to be anatomy were condensed into a lecture just over an hour long, meaning we had a good 50 minute break before the next lecture. Grabbed lunch with Harper and ate in C5. Chatted with Laura (a first semester) as she was prepping to go to lab. Then chatted with Ali, James, and Erin and enjoyed a sandwich hug from Rachel and Alexis. Ali and I were the peanut butter and jam, Rachel and Alexis were the slices of bread. What's the difference between...nevermind. Cranked out good hours in C5 then broke for family dinner at Uptown. It was nice to have the whole crew together. It had been a long time. We enjoyed it so much we made impromptu plans for a games night the next evening. Back to C5 to finish up. Around 9:30, I thought I heard my name being whispered and sure enough, when I took out my ear buds and looked around, I saw Courtney leaning over the desk behind me calling my name. She asked for some help on Micro Bi stuff. Unfortunately, Micro Bi isn't my strong suit and they've actually changed the curriculum a bit. It seems they're going in depth into the basics dedicating entire lectures to B cells, T cells, and cytokines. Those were briefly covered in one lecture for us. I gave what I had, but couldn't guarantee any worth in it. She caught me scanning through their semester's lectures and my lectures to compare and contrast, when she laughingly told me to stop wasting my time trying to help and to get back to studying my material. I obeyed her commands and wished her the best of luck.

Friday proved to be a hard day to wake up for. The only classes of the day were really not worth going to, but I had SGL at 10 anyways. For our learning objectives we were split into groups to debate the three major forms of treating Grave's Disease: drugs, surgery, and radioactive iodine. I was on the drug team with Janos and Erin. Safe to say we put the least effort into it out of all the groups. The other groups did a lot of research and well prepared. Nonetheless, a debate was had and some people got way too into it, to the point of taking things almost personally. I personally didn't care too much. My tapazole serves me well for now. Unfortunately, the debate set the tone for the entire 2-hour session and I found myself getting annoyed with people. Lots of moments where people were saying things for the sake of hearing their own voice, having nothing to add to the process except noise. To make things worse, we still have people in our group who don't say anything, which costs us marks. So not only is there a case of wasted breath, but it's not even coming from those that we need any words to come out from. The upside is that there's only four more sessions and we'll be done with SGL.

Midway through class, I discovered that I had doubled booked myself with a girls night and games night with the family. I rarely do that unknowingly and I was pissed with myself. Both groups of people are important to me and I didn't want either party to be left shorthanded. So the fool in me decided I'd split my time as evenly as possible. Games night wouldn't start 'til 9ish and girls night was supposed to start between 7-8. So I'd naturally do girls night first and then take off to spend time with the family around 10. What I should have done was just be straight up with both groups about my decision instead of leaving everybody in the dark. But again the fool in me thought I'd be able to satisfy both sides and still get quality time. I did get some quality time with Erin which was generous of her. I definitely asked a lot of questions because I didn't know how much time I'd get alone with her. We headed to Ali's to chat and sing BSB songs, then Rachel and Alexis showed up and we played some games together. I tried my best to not look at the time, but I couldn't resist the urge with Rachel's phone right by my hand. It was 10:30. The plan was already off schedule. I told myself that I had 'til 11 and then I'd need to book it to the CAC to get 45 minutes with the family before the CAC closed. What happened in the next 30 was I downed my beer, packed up, and made a quick exit that was in hindsight, distasteful and rude. I wasn't thinking clearly. I was too caught up with time flying by and my inability to portion myself out appropriately. I ran to the CAC, took the stairs up two at a time to the top floor and rushed in to find the crew in the middle of a round of Guesstures. Figured all was going well, so I dropped off my backpack (I had stayed on campus studying until I headed to girls night), went to the bathroom, and by the time I got back up, something had happened. I can't go into details because I don't have them, but suffice it to say games night was officially over, people were upset, and leaving in different directions.

You can't imagine the disappointment I felt in that moment. It wasn't a disappointment over leaving girls night and arriving to this - it wasn't like that at all. It was a deceptive disappointment within me that said "If you had just been there on time, maybe this wouldn't have happened". And believe me, I know that it's a lie, I probably couldn't have done anything, but there's also something in me that takes responsibility for when things go bad. I remember Dimal recounting the night and saying "I was looking at my watch and thinking 'I hope Kirsten gets here soon'" and likened me essentially to a peacekeeper when it comes to disputes. I know he intended it as a compliment and I do take it as that, but I also recognize that I can be middle ground and sometimes having that presence can be helpful.

So when something like this happens, I try my best to follow it up and gain perspective without being consumed in it. Just to understand feelings and thoughts and help people talk things through. To cool off, the family decided we would all go home and then reconvene at Tulips, which I was happy about because at least there's a desire to resolve instead of giving up and going to bed angry. So I dropped off my stuff at home and walked back to Tulips still feeling the weight of how I handled girls night and the "task" before me with the family being together. Of course, after climbing the hill and rounding the corner, the attendance at Tulips had doubled since the walking past it on the way home and of course, the girls would be there. Yeah, I made some really bad decisions Friday night. Profuse apologies given on my part. I'm lucky that I have lenient friends, but given the expectations that I have of myself and my desire to have some kind of integrity, this probably goes down in history as one of the worst nights where my decisions were all wrong. The family put their best foot forward, but relegated to the fact that calling it a night would probably be the best thing at the time. So there it was, we bid adieu to each other and headed home. 

Woke up this morning hoping that I'd be better. How fitting that I'm supposed to talk at small group tonight and that I've decided to talk about perfection. I guess there's no point in giving a talk if you can't learn from it yourself. I headed to yoga with Candyce and we met up with Molly on campus. We stretched out and I was feasted upon by mosquitoes. I also couldn't clear my mind of the night before. I was stretching, but not really aware of it. Upon leaving the deck, Candyce noticed security running around and a women crouching over someone laying down. We decided that while we don't have any skills to really help, we would check it out and see what we could do. As we drew closer, I recognized the patient as a local women who works at the Riverside restaurant next to Subway. She was unconscious with rapid eye movements. The women crouching over her said she found her like this. I felt her pulse and it was strong and regular, but she was completely unresponsive. Then security pulled up with their truck and loaded her in to take her to the health clinic. All we had to do was just go about our day. It's been a weird weekend and Candyce agreed. It's almost like you just want to hole yourself up at home so that nothing else bad can happen.

Got home to find Magdalene in the final stages of cleaning my apartment. I waited outside to drink water, enjoy the breeze, and the view. When she finished I asked her how her two week break was and she told me that it didn't go well because her mom died. This day just keeps getting better and better and it's not even noon yet. We had a good talk and she's doing well with everything considering the loss, but it took every ounce in me to not breakdown in front of her (that would be incredibly unfair to her). We had a moment of just looking at each other, not talking, but just knowing and recognizing the mood that connected us. She needed to clean the other apartments and I needed to shower, but we both needed the company and silence for just that moment more than anything else. I have soccer, worship practice, and small group after this and so much in me dreads moving further into this day. And all I can do is breathe, hope, and pray that I might be used to do something good today.

Here we go...

Is it bad that I just want to say "boobies"?

Well look at that. A whole week has gone by without a post. The challenge is being able to recall everything that happened. Well I'll give it a shot. If all else fails and you don't know what to say, just say "boobies". 60% of the time, it works every time.

Sunday I headed to church. Didn't need to be there early which is always awesome. I had to return the guitar that I had stored at my apartment. I don't have much energy in the morning so climbing up the hills while lugging around a guitar and my backpack proved to be a bit strenuous and I was sweaty upon arrival. Standard service followed by a standard lunch, then back to C5 to study up for the practical and mini.

Monday was the day of the anatomy practical. I was due to start sequestering at 3 and write the practical shortly after 5. Studied up 'til it was time to sequester. Not much studying happens while being sequestered because everybody's chatting. Near the end of our sequestration, Malini, Jerome, Janos, and I quickly went over some details like parts of the external ear. Good idea because there was one question on the practical. The practical is a 50 fill in the blank kind of exam. You have 45 seconds to read the question, look at the tagged structure or radiograph, and write down your answer before having to move on to the next station. It didn't seem too bad and I left feeling pretty good about it. Janos and I headed to Tomato's for dinner then back to campus to study. We decided to study together in the Large Learning Lab where you're allowed to talk. We went through a concept sheet from last semester's mini. It was definitely good, but also a bit late. We should have done this earlier than the night before the mini. By 11pm, we were exhausted and called it a night. 

Given the effort that I had put into this block in terms of studying and caring, I wasn't expecting much of myself. I headed to St. James to write my mini. Arrived around 7:55 and started chatting with the crew when Laura (a first from RCF) came up and said "There you are! I've been looking for you! Come with me and we'll pray for you!". I guess I should mention that RCF provides prayer for those taking exams. They usually pray half an hour before the exam. It's a great ministry, but we all know I do well with sleep and therefore try to steal every last minute I can so that I can still arrive on time. I've never been around early enough to pray before minis. We used to pray before classes started last semester and that was fine as I didn't need to get up early for that. But the only time I've gotten up early to pray before a mini is when I'm praying for other people's mini. So this was an interesting interaction because it had never happened before. I've never been sought out quite like this. Laura guided me downstairs to where Victoria and Chelsea were waiting and then they prayed for me. It was very sweet of them.

The mini was challenging - a grueling 3.5 hour grind of 169 questions. It's like taking the MCAT without the breaks. I did get to use the bathroom though with 45 minutes left. Definitely necessary and a good move as I was better able to focus on the test instead of my expanding bladder. When it was done, it was done, and I was just happy that it was done. Lunch with the crew at Tomato's. We usually have lunch together after every exam. It's tradition. The sun was out in full force, and we ate outside while celebrating with a couple pitchers of piss beer. I have not warmed up to options here. I still very much miss my Granville Island pale ales and lagers. After lunch, we headed home to shower and gear up for the beach. It turned out that Kat, Janos, and I were the only ones with the energy for the beach. The others managed to find themselves on their beds and succumbed to the napping vibes. We had a great time in the water. We headed to the long dock to chat up friends (well, actually Janos and Kat went there to dive off the dock, I went to chat with Rachel, Alexis, and Esther). Other classmates were there as well and lots of mingling ensued. I was talking with Genny, Angela, and Gurtej for a good while then noticed that Janos and Kat had returned to the water a distance from the dock. After conversations ended, I joined them in the water then relaxed on the beach, then quickly headed home to change and attempt to play soccer at Jenner Field. Wasn't too pleased that we had a game scheduled after a mini, and that we were a bit undermanned. Didn't help that I wasn't in the best condition to play either. Nonetheless, game on and I finally found my legs in the second half. We lost 3-1 but it was against the 2nd best team in the league. So I'm happy.

Headed home to shower, except a tree had fallen on our water pipe. Mike the landlord was there to inform me as he saw me walking up the hill to the apartment wiping sweat off my brow. We kinda both laughed at the situation of having no water and my obvious need for a shower. I'm glad we could laugh about it. Got inside and just stood in front of the fan. I didn't want to touch anything. I was sticky with sweat and covered with salt from the beach water. I'm sure I had sand in places too. Just all around filthy. Half an hour later and I get word that the pipe was fixed and showering could take place. Hallelujah! After the shower, I ordered some Golden Dragon delivery, scarfed it down and relaxed. Noticed on Facebook that several Canadians were watching round two of the presidential debate. It's kinda neat to know that we're interested in this and actually know what's going on. Figured, I'd tune in and watch a bit myself. I turned it on just in time to watch Romney eat his words for misquoting Obama regarding the Benghazi attacks. Quite the heated moment and from what I understand, much of the debate was heated. Makes for some awkward feelings as you sit back and watch two people rip into each other. Even more awkward when the moderator's multiple attempts to reel in the candidates fall flat every time. I've watched a few clips from Rachel Maddow's show. She knows her stuff, though from what I've seen, she either leans heavily in favour of Obama or Romney and Ryan are really that good at contradicting themselves. Perhaps both.

Slept in Wednesday, planning on initially skipping out on the first hour of lecture. But minutes before leaving, rain started pouring down. I willingly took it as a sign to stay in for another hour. Finally arrived on campus for the last two lecture hours. Not too many people around, but Rachel was there and we spent a good chunk of time messaging back and forth. Had lunch, then mediasited the lectures I missed, finished those pancakes and study products and headed home to pick songs for Sunday.

Thursday's classes were ok. The first two hours were good as we were introduced to our new Physio prof for GI, Dr. White. He's got great slides and a slow pace. The slow pace is great, because that means I can treat him like Dr. Shams of last semester. Read the slides and mediasite at 2x speed. This means I'll get to sleep in a couple mornings. After his lecture we had some horrible fluff lectures that were painful to endure. Genny left after the 3rd hour. I should have followed her lead. Classes ended, lunch was eaten, studying happened, home, caught up with a couple good friends, then sleep. Sweet glorious sleep.

Friday morning, I skipped Dr. White's lecture to get my blood test done and also to get my ears checked out. I've noticed lately that I've been having difficulty hearing out of my left ear. Like I need to constantly pop my ears. I noticed it during that period of time where it was raining all day for multiple days. I think with all the extra moisture in the ear, stuff was just accumulating deep in the canal and maybe growing. The doctor looked and said that it definitely looked "crowded" in there, asked if my ears itched (which they didn't), said it wasn't a bacterial infection, and then gave me some ear drops. I used to have a lot of ear infections as a kid and even had tubes surgically inserted into my ear to help with draining. I hadn't had any issues until now and it wasn't even an infection issue, but build up. Q-tips are now sitting in my bathroom cabinet. It's a funny feeling except for the odd time you go too far and let out a little cry.

Back in time for the 2nd lecture, a quick "hi" and "bye" to Genny, and then off to SGL. Genny's soccer team has been cancelling on their games quite often and are on the brink of being kicked out. I offered to play for them for their next game as it looked like the wouldn't have enough. Unfortunately, their next game is against RCF. Hopefully, she'll recruit enough bodies so that they can play and not have to forfeit. I told her that if her team does collapse, she can join our team. So either way she'll have a team and that's the important thing. She like me, needs the balance of physical exercise. After SGL, you guessed it, lunch, then studying in C5. Marks were posted online and I found myself with a 76% on the practical at 72% on the mini. I thought I did better on the practical, but given that my practical scores last semester were both 78% (meaning, I just got one more question correct) and I knew that stuff better than this stuff, I can't be upset. The 72% was deserved. I'm not outraged by it. I don't have reason to be. It is what it is and I'm happy that it wasn't worse. I know I'm doing fine and passing isn't an issue. Excelling is the issue. With that, I welcome block 2 with open arms. Clean slate. Time to kick some standard B-plus caliber ass (sorry Caroline). The A on the Neuro practical was a gift that's worth aiming for, and combined with the mini, puts me in the B range for the block.  Thankfully, this new block is just 3 weeks, so there's less material to cover and that typically bodes well for me. Let's do this!

Rocked it out in C5 good. When I went on a bathroom break, I crossed paths with Ali, Rachel, and Alexis which developed into a spontaneous hug fest initiated by Rachel. She gives good hugs. Right up there with Alison Krause and Mackie. I define a good hug as one where both people are fully wrapped in each others arms (one set of arms on top and one set of arms below, none of that diagonal crap - that almost guarantees a short hug), and you can stay there for an eternity. A nice long lingering hug with no awkwardness. Both parties equally content to stay there forever. Ahhh the memories. I remember one day I was visiting the Krause residence. Ali and I were running towards each other to hug, reaching out our arms, when she stopped in her tracts and yelled "NO! You're taller so you go on top!". Evidently, my arms were aiming towards her waist which was unacceptable as she apparently will always have dibs on bottom due to her height impairment. I learned a very important lesson that day, and enjoyed an awesome hug as a reward. Just as a disclaimer, I enjoy hugs of all types: side hugs, one-armed hugs, no-arm hugs, back hugs, even diagonal hugs, but the ones I described above are hands down the best in my books. I've just made you over think your hugging style, haven't I? Are your hugging needs being met (Nina)? Are you laughing? (Never end a paragraph with a question, or with parentheses) 

Saturday morning I got up, ate a quick breakfast, then headed to Fort Shirley to do some hiking with Molly and Quinn. We did a few short trails and then ended with one that took us to Douglas Bay where we basically had our own private beach. The water was nice and the rocks weren't painful. Molly & Quinn brought goggles for all of us and it was awesome to see all the colourful fish and coral that surrounded us. We were done and back home around 1. Showered up. Oh, I've noticed that my hair has grown considerably since chopping it off in April so conditioner has been purchased and I think my hair is appreciating the extra care. Then grabbed a quick lunch and parked it in C5 for a couple hours before worship practice. The girls in the choir were practicing another song for the upcoming Night of Worship which drew in a couple spouses. One of them goes to RCF, the other I haven't seen in our services before, both are spouses of guys in my class. They hung out and then asked to join in our practice. It was kinda fun. They didn't know all the songs, but they enjoyed being there. They brought a refreshing excited energy that was really contagious. It was nice to have them there. After practice, headed back to C5 to steal another hour of studying before heading up to the Loys for small group. Esther prepared a really great talk. It was incredibly insightful, applicable, and personal. You felt like you were knowing the Bible, yourself, and her more. Good stuff. Grabbed a quick dinner, then back to C5 to rock it out. Had a nice study break with Janos. I enjoy our random breaks. A nice walk and talk. Then Esther came by around 10:15 and we headed home together at 10:30. 

Sunday morning was bright and sunny and had me up at 6:30. I tossed and turned 'til 8 and then got up, had breakfast, and headed for the CAC. Practice went well and always ends early (they trained me well at NDEFC). The local church, New Light Ministries, joined us and they arrived around 10 while we were practicing our last song. We were encouraged to play some other songs so that they could sing instead of just sit and wait 30 minutes for the service to start. Racked my memory a bit and was able to crank out a few songs all in the key of G (went surprisingly smooth). We played 'til 10:15 and then prayed and then mingled a bit. Saw Rachel and had yet another classic Rachel hug with some words of encouragement, which is like the hug of champions - long warm embrace with a pep talk. Yeah, I'm pretty lucky in the hug department. Apparently, we were getting some funny looks from others who thought we were hugging too long. They're just jealous. Service went well, lunch happened, and now I'm back in C5 thinking this needs to be posted already. 

Quite the mix of stuff. Hope you're all doing well. I checked my weather app on my phone today. Hahaha oh Vancouver, that was a quick season change. You're down to single digits today (in Celcius of course). I have a feeling that when I come home, I'm going to get some serious nose bleeds. Isn't that a pretty image to leave you with?

Keep My Eyes to Serve, My Hands to Learn

Monday was a MOTS day. Or at least I assume so, because I don't recall anything special about it. 

Tuesday was a jam-packed day of lectures, studying, then the Ross Ambassadors meeting, followed by the RCF 1st Semester Mixer, finished off with more studying. The Ambassadors meeting was ok. Free dinner. Lots of familiar faces from RCF and class. Rachel was there. She'll be a good Ambassador. Basically, we'll be assigned a max of 4 Ross students who have accepted their admission into the Jan 2013 semester. We'll make contact with them via email to welcome them and answer their questions to help them transition to life here. To me, it's the Welcome Committee duties without the excursions and face-to-face interaction. I've also dealt with this a bit before as Molly sent a Canadian my way last semester to answer questions about Ross. There's also a Facebook Group for each semester and I was answering questions on the group for this semester's firsts. So far we have about 150 students already registered into the Jan 2013 semester and there's about 80 Ambassadors (though I expect the number will dwindle as it didn't seem that 80 were at the meeting), meaning I'll be getting one or two students assigned to me within the week and I'll be contacting them shortly (after my practical and mini of course). I had a Ross Ambassador assigned to me when I was admitted into the May semester. She definitely helped a lot as I had a month to get stuff organized.

After that, I headed to the CAC to help set up for the Mixer. It just so happened that Ross was undergoing its accreditation interviews in the CAC so we needed to wait until they were all done before we could setup the large room. It was a bit daunting to see all the Deans and then this other board of individuals that's responsible for saying that Ross is a legit med school. Once they were gone, we helped staff tear down their decorations and frantically set up our tables and chairs. Soon people arrived and mingling ensued followed by a b-line to the food. I didn't need to eat again thanks to the Ambassadors meeting. I figured I'd have some dessert, but dessert ended up being oatmeal raisin cookies (raisins ruin everything). So I had juice instead. Straight up juice, not watered down. That's basically dessert.

Then I was called upon to do my bit. I had prepared the quick school advice and then the meat and potatoes Christian-based advice that matters. I was happy and honoured to be asked to do this because I felt like I actually did have something to say to them given that I was in their shoes just a few months ago. I essentially said what I found works for me in terms of overall wellness. Having that balance of school, sports, socializing, and sleep (in hindsight I should have made a mnemonic) and keeping priorities straight. I stressed the need for relationships to come first - your relationship with God and with others. To be honest, if I didn't have my daily devotional time every morning, those strong connections with individuals back home, and the friendships I have here on the island, I wouldn't survive. If Christ's my Rock, then you guys are my boulder. Court, our interactions have been so constant and consistent with our interactions before I left, that I don't feel like being here makes me miss out on much (other than my napping buddy responsibilities). And that's not to ignore the rest of you. You've all been an amazing support system and I am so grateful to hear from you when I do. Obviously I'd love to be home with you, but at the same time, you make it easier to be here (if that makes sense). Anyways, I encouraged the firsts to trust God's promise in Romans 8:28 and recognize that His "good" will always be better than what your version of "good" looks like. "Good" does not equate to getting an "MD" at the end of your name. You just have to subjugate yourself to that, find peace in that wherever you end up is where you'll be the most fruitful and hence the most joyful, and you'll be good to go. I've said it before that relationships will always take priority over my ability to practice medicine and that attitude has only been strengthened over my time here. I finished off the talk with Col 3:23 to reaffirm the need to work hard for the right Reasons whether it's at school, socializing, or serving. After that, we had Miriam speak on behalf of 3rd semesters and Jackie on behalf of 4ths. Then we played some games, cleaned up, and went our separate ways, meaning I went back to C5.

Wednesday, the alarm went off at 6:45 and the festivities and late night studying zapped my energy. I turned the alarm off and slept for another hour, skipping out on the first lecture. Genny informed me I didn't miss much. After lunch with Harper and chatting with Ali (who doesn't respond to Alicia and doesn't appreciate being called clingy), James, and Erin, I went to demo. Rachel was at my table already being demoed to so I quickly joined in, followed by Ali who has adapted a rather interesting (albeit cute) chair wiggle dance that strategically places her back and shoulders at optimal position for a massage. After demo, it was back to C5 to study. Since the lab practical is on Monday, they needed to do the next demo immediately after the group was finished dissecting. So I was back in the lab at 4:15 to look at the ear. After that I changed and ran into a 1st in the bathroom. Her name is Courtney (so I have a natural propensity to her, even though she doesn't spell it Courtenay). She was on my bus a few times for Welcome Committee outings and she's been to RCF a couple Sundays. She just had her anatomy practical, histology practical, and mini 1 part 2 on Monday and Tuesday. Remember that exhausting time? I asked her how it went for her and she was quite uneasy and discouraged. People are still trying to figure out what works best for them in terms of studying and your heart goes out to them because obviously you want them to do well and know that the process can be frustrating. We chatted for a good while and I tried my best to encourage her and offer her help.

Then it was off to Jenner Field in time to play soccer in the rain. We had a good showing again and played very well. We won 6-3. James was solid in net. Ali was awesome up front. I was Michael Flatley, Lord of the Dance (with hemiballismus), unable to do very much good in the wet conditions on defense. I was on for one goal against, but it was one that I partially blocked/deflected into the net. Unacceptable. It's the same principle in hockey: if you're going to block a shot, make sure you get all of it, otherwise you just end up screening your goalie or deflect it and it will likely go in. Nonetheless, it was a good game, with few instances of chippy play. Headed home to shower, grabbed dinner on the way back to C5 to force out a couple more hours of studying 'til weariness won out.

Classes are done for the block meaning Thursday and Friday are free for studying for the practical and mini. Nonetheless, my laundry was due to be picked up at 7am so I had to get up for that. I forgot to set the alarm, but around 6:50, a torrential downpour awoke me and I quickly arose and stuffed towels and clothes into my basket in time for pick-up. After that, I promptly went back to bed to sleep 'til 9. Sooo good. It was still raining when I got up, but I needed to get groceries as I was out of milk powder, cereal, yogurt, and bananas, and we all know that breakfast is my favourite meal. So I geared up with an umbrella and headed to IGA to get water (anticipating that water will likely be brown or turned off), and the necessary items for breakfast. They're still out of Honey-nut flavoured O-rings, so I went with Golden Puffs which I guess are like Sugar Crisp. Their coating keeps the milk from making them soggy which is awesome. I think I've found my new back-up cereal. Arrived home with soaked TOMs (my runners were still wet and dirty from soccer the night before), unpacked, changed, ate breakfast, brushed with bottled water, then headed to C5.

Shortly after 12, Courtney came in with Tanja to eat lunch. I had already put my study products from Semester 1 Block 2 in a separate binder and loaded a flashdrive with study materials for her. So I handed it all over and chatted with both of them and then Tanja left to chat with Gurtej, leaving Courtney and I to continue our conversation. She's a smart girl, but over thinks things when it comes to exams and from the gist of it, that's her downfall. Not a bad thing because it shows that she really knows her stuff, but just fails to answer the question that's being directly asked. Lots of studying ensued and then I had dinner with Janos at Tomato's (spicy black bean burger mmmm). After dinner, I headed home to await my laundry which usually arrives shortly after 7. While waiting, I decided to plug in the flat screen and watch TV. Feels odd. There wasn't much on, but there were a couple movie channels and I watched the last quarter of As Good As it Gets. I can't remember the last time I saw that movie. I can't remember the last time Helen Hunt had a decent job. I feel like there was a time where she was in everything and then disappeared off the face of the earth. Anyways, it was 8 when my laundry arrived. This is the first time they've been this late. This is the first time I regretted my decision to switch laundry service providers. Martha used to do my laundry, but got a new job that had her working some crazy hours that didn't allow her to pick up or drop off my clothes in a timely manner. So I switched to Christine. I don't think you really care, but I figured I'd tie up that loose end for those of you who thought I was still using Martha. After paying, I turned the TV off, unplugged it, and headed back to C5 to crank out a few more hours 'til 11 when I headed home with Esther. 

Woke up to another dreary Dominica. It's been raining consistently for the past couple of days. Truly reminiscent of Vancouver. The only difference is that I'm walking around more and my shoes don't do well in rain. I could get away with canvas shoes in BC because I had a car, but no such luck here. Even the runners I brought aren't meant for water. They're the really breathable type with mesh all around (including the sole) so after every soccer game, they're a soggy mess. The upside is that when they're completely dry, they're a very light shoe. Nice leisurely morning had me at C5 shortly after 11. Grabbed lunch with Ali and Harper. Oh, I've found a shack that has a nice tofo curry stir-fry. I've been having that quite often in the past week. Within the past week, via the interactions of my very white friends (hahah, I should really just say friends, you already know my kind of crowd), I've discovered that appreciating tofu is very much a cultural thing. I'm sure if I wasn't raised in an Asian family, I'd have a disdain for tofu much like my pale-skinned counterparts. There's no convincing them that it's good. It just is what it is. I like it and they don't and life goes on. Studied, ate a quick dinner while studying, and studied some more, cutting out at 10. All day, I had a huge craving to play guitar. I set a goal for myself to finish problem sets and watch an anatomy video before I could leave. I got that done and a little extra and then I gunned it at 10. There's no way I can describe the feeling of producing music by letting your fingers dance on strings over a fret board. Your whole body gets into it. The feet are tapping. The head is bobbing. The body is swaying. It's nothing short of awesome for me. I enjoy it. I love it. Went through the Worship Archive that Dan Stewart started a decade ago that I've made twice as large and played some favs, then I played some Mumford & Sons, and some Joshua Radin. Always fun to challenge myself and find new strum or fingerpicking patterns.

Up naturally at 9 and feeling cold. I think it may have rained on and off throughout the day and at that moment it was pouring once again with the wind billowing. I got up to close the back door, which is a first. Luckily, Steve left behind a blanket so maybe I'll use that over top the sheet. Had a good bowl of cereal, followed with some yogurt & granola, finished off with a badly bruised banana (just the worst). Showered up and headed out to C5. Skyped with the parents briefly, lunched with Erin and Ali quickly, then back to C5 'til 4:45 when I was due to meet up with Christina. She signed up to lead worship at small group and asked me to accompany her on guitar. So I headed to the CAC to sit through the end of the Sunday crew's practice and then we went over songs. She's got an awesome voice. Good power, great range. Plus, it's always fun to be able to just play and then throw in a few harmonies here and there.

After practice, we headed up the Loys. There were a lot of people there. A good chunk of 1sts which is awesome. Christina and I did our bit and then Judith and Chelsea led the talk. Good discussions, but I was pretty weary and my mind wasn't as engaged as it should have been. Can't say I was thinking about school, can't say I was thinking about anything really. Just one of those moments where you have so much going on and all you have is silence inside, a good silence. Something that just reassures you that this stillness is to be enjoyed and not marred with worrying about the practical, the mini, participating in discussion, how people at home are doing, etc. During the walk back to campus, a few 1sts came up to me to thank me for speaking at the Mixer. It's an odd feeling to be quoted and hear that it meant something to someone. I don't like to waste breath, but I never count on my words amounting to very much in terms of being some sort of life lesson. I think whenever I share something, it's to foster vulnerability, to share something of myself that lets you know that this is a safe place. I may have said this before, but one of the biggest compliments someone has ever given me was when they said I was very disarming. It's not something you hear often nor really say often to describe a person, but I was incredibly touched by it. I still am and I've embraced that and think about that in my interactions. So to hear that something I said was embraced as life advice is kind of scary. Ironic, given that I was a youth leader for a decade, but I don't think I used my words very often in terms of advice. I go for comfort and sharing my life stories and thoughts. So this concept of affecting people through that is a bit terrifying. It kind of puts this blog in a new light that requires me to have a bit more responsibility. I hope I'm not being a bad influence to my readers. This was really all about letting you into my life and my experiences while I'm away. Gah! I'm just going to leave that alone and move on.

As you know, I try my best to keep up with news in the world and back at home by checking out Global BC News' website. Romney blew over Obama, Biden made Ryan look like Two-Face, and I still don't care. However, for home, there was some pretty devastating stuff that hits close to home with the suicide of Amanda Todd. The youth leader in me is brokenhearted. The discrete rage in me is infuriated at the evil that was allowed to run rampant in this poor girl's life. It destroyed her. I don't understand how people can be so malicious and others just not care. I know that this brings back memories of Hannah for those back at home, and girls, I hope you know that I'm thinking of you and praying for you. The video Amanda made really makes all this that much more painful and leaves me going through all the "if only"s that ran through my mind when Hannah took her life. I didn't personally know Hannah and haven't personally known anyone who has taken their life (and I'd like it to stay that way), so I'm probably being naive in saying this, but maybe people just need someone willing to fight for them. A champion. Someone who gives a shit (sorry Caroline, but that's the word that captures my inflection). Someone who refuses to give up on you, who sees you for an amazing person and persists in getting you to understand, believe, and accept that. Is that enough or is more needed? I honestly don't know, and maybe I'll never know, but it doesn't stop me or discourage me from trying. I mean what kind of messed up world do we live in if we feel weird telling people that you like them in your life. It doesn't make sense. People would love to hear that and in my experience, they're pretty receptive. There's no awkwardness, you just have out with it and amazing things happen. You'd be surprised, pleasantly surprised. I know I was. 

I know I'm just rambling rather incoherently at this point and should just post this thing, but consider it a reflection of where my mind's at right now. Kinda all over the place. Well, I better get back to the books. I'm sure plenty of adventures await me to put in the next post. Life never seems boring enough when you write down every thought in your head, eh? At least not for me, I guess.

All right good people, be well, sleep well, and hopefully we'll have something in common

Two Months and A Week

The practical went surprisingly well. I was literally surprised when I saw my mark. It was a fill in the blank test out of 50. The answer key was posted after the test and when I looked at it, I was convinced that I got around 10 questions wrong. Ergo, I was expecting to get in the mid to high 70% range. Well, fast forward to Wednesday when marks were posted and imagine my joy when I stare at an 86%. No idea how it happened. Not going to mess with anything though. I'll gladly take it, but know I need to bust my ass (sorry Caroline) for the practical and mini.

So, people. I've been really digging people. If semester 1 was about settling and surviving in school, then semester 2 is about people and somehow getting 86% (that I don't deserve). It really started during the break while helping out on the Welcome Committee. While I didn't necessarily get the rest I needed, I've enjoyed the connection I have to the firsts. They recognize me and ask me questions, and I'm more than happy to accommodate and help out. I've been asked to speak at the RCF 1st Semester Mixer on Tuesday to share about my experience and give a Christian perspective on succeeding here. I haven't quite decided on what I want to say, but I'm excited either way. For the 1sts attending RCF, the fact that I've led worship twice already has certainly made me a familiar face and now I'm trying to remember theirs. Names will come eventually, I hope. All this to say that while I was seeking out community last semester, I find myself on the other side trying to foster it this semester. It's a wonderful flip that I enjoy being part of. It makes me that much more purposeful in my interactions and it's overflowed into my pre-existing relationships with the crew and my classmates. I'm enjoying it.

And then an odd thing happened Wednesday night. I decided I'd eat my dinner in the CAC, then went to use the washroom. The first stall was occupied so I went into another one. I heard sniffling and crying. Warning, this is going to get awkward. I haven't really dealt with this kind of situation before - needing to pee badly and yet also wanting to respect and cater to the emotional girl next door. There was probably a good 30 seconds where I was just sitting on the bowl and nothing else. I didn't know if I should ask if she was ok while my shorts are at my ankles or if I should wait 'til I was done. Regardless, I was sitting, not peeing, essentially listening to this girl cry, exit the stall to get more paper towel, and then return to the stall to continue crying. Those 30 seconds felt like minutes and it wasn't just for me, because what proceeded to happen was what I could only perceive as an act of kindness on her part. She went back out, turned on the sink, went back in and flushed the toilet continuously so that the sound of rushing water would fill the air. That was my cue to pee. Noted. Did my business, washed my hands, turned off the sink, and noticed that she had stopped flushing her toilet as her sniffles were audible again. So now I'm looking at a closed stall and then I finally ask "Are you ok?". It was a short conversation and the shorter summary was that her grandmother had just passed away and she didn't think there was anything I could do to help her. Condolences expressed and well wishes for her to feel better and then a quick exit so that she can return to the privacy she had initially sought out. Don't know what semester she was in, whether she was even a student, or what she looked like. All I know is that a girl's grandmother died and she cared a lot for her grandmother, which most of us can relate to. Regardless, it makes me wonder how I happen upon these interactions and whether I should be doing more. 

Crying isn't a rare thing when you're going to an international med school. You're bound to see someone crying once a week while walking around campus. Usually it's people Skyping with friends and family at home and expressing the stress they're enduring. Very rarely will you see someone cry on their own here. Technically I didn't even see this girl, so I guess I have yet to see that. There's always some sort of support system and that's a good thing. You definitely need one out here. Thick skin will get you only so far.

Thursday classes were painful to endure. What made it better was winning a debate on how to pronounce "Reese's" as in Reese's Peanut Butter Cups or Reese's Pieces. Genny and a few others say Ree-see-z, whereas I go for Ree-siz. I Youtubed old commercials and was able to back up my stance with evidence. Did you know they just used to be called Reese Peanut Butter Cups. Somewhere within the past couple decades they added the possessive aspect. Quite the complicated name for a simple chocolate treat.

After lecture I had my first standardized patient interview where you essentially take a history and physical exam on a "healthy" person pretending to have a clinical condition. I think in my case, my SP legitimately had the condition or she was dedicated to the craft. For this semester, you do the interview in pairs which are assigned. I was paired with a guy named Stanford. We had met earlier to go over the interview and break it up into sections, sort of like a tag-team. That went out the window pretty quickly when the interview started. Nerves take over and you start doing stupid things. We were both guilty of it and by the end, we were just happy it was over. The good thing is that it's the patient that gives your initial assessment and we aced that part. Now I just need to do the History & Physical Write-up and submit that puppy before Monday. For my next SP interview, luck would have it that I'm paired with Rachel. That puts me very much at ease and slightly giddy inside. 

Friday had us going through a real life case of Grave's Disease. The patient has suffered from it for years and it seems that only recently has her dosage of medication been correct. She's the wife of one of our security guards here and they're connected to the RCF community so it was neat to see her, but also unfortunate to discover the hardship she's endured because of her conditions. I was lucky to be relatively asymptomatic, catch it and diagnose it before severe damage was done, and respond to medication quickly and adjust the dosage appropriately. On that note, I'm due to have another blood test this month. I figure I'll wait 'til after my mini to deal with that. Hoping for good news. I've been feeling fine. I sleep well, I just don't get enough. My heart races when I'm active, and my weight has remained fairly constant. My pulse is still visible in my wrist and neck, the left parasternal heave, and physiological S2 split are still around. None of that's concerning though. It's actually I bit cool to see and hear it, especially after coming home from soccer or something like that. It's like my heart's doing a repetitive drum solo complete with rolls and snare hits (and of course the toms and cymbal work are provided by my imagination).

After class, SGL, lunch with Ali & Erin, I headed for the airways lab where we were introduced to the different airway devices. Sooo many and why use a king tube when you can use the combo? Why is the king tube even an option anymore? After that it was all studying until dinner time where I opted to stay home and draw out cranial nerve pathways on the white board. Soooo many nerves. Eventually, time flies and the mind gives out and you discover that this is the first night in a while where you might actually get 8 hours of sleep.

Up naturally at 7:45 for a leisurely breakfast. IGA was out of honey-nut flavoured O-rings, so I bought the IGA equivalent of Cocoa Puffs mixed with Lucky Charm marshmellows. Yeah I'm playing with fire a bit. Unfortunately, the puffs get soggy quickly and the milk doesn't taste like chocolate milk when you're done eating the cereal, meaning I'm not buying these again. Got ready and left for yoga. They're rebuilding the lower seaside deck where we usually do yoga so we were on the deck on the 3rd floor of the CAC. It was nice up there. Not a bad spot at all. Deliciously stretched and got that six pack peaking out again, and then finished it off with a 10 minute nap. Home to shower, eat a banana, and grab another to go so that I could get outta there for Magdalene to clean. She'll be taking two weeks off. Her mother isn't doing well health-wise so it's good that she can take this time off to spend it with her mother. I'll miss seeing her though. She's a sweet person.

Headed to campus to study, eat lunch, study, go to the anatomy mocktical and discover I don't know jack, study, then headed home to eat leftovers from the night before, then off to the Loys for small group. It was Justin's birthday earlier in the week so small group was his birthday party. Definitely a larger showing than the usual crowd. I chatted with Christina and Tiffany and then they needed to take off to study. The rest of us played Catchphrase and a couple rounds of Mafia. Catchphrase seemed to be stuck on an American Government/History category. Lots of armed forces and judicial terms until they finally changed the category. I gotta say, playing Mafia here is always bittersweet and makes me miss the home town crowd all the more. The rules they use here are different and the narration and gameplay is...lacking, to put it nicely. You Canucks, you know how to facilitate a good game of Mafia. I think it's all the funny voices we use when we "sleep talk". It keeps things far more interesting. All I hear in my head is Dennis saying "You goan git dead" and without that alone, any game of Mafia will suck. Without the rest of the youth and young adults chatting and giggling in the night, we're just playing a card game. Man, I miss you guys.

Along those lines, despite my love for my classmates and friends here, I have been looking at the calender everyday and saying how long I have to stick it out 'til I get to fly home. Two months and a week. The scary part is that within two months, I will have 3 minis, 3 practicals, and one final. It'll be a busy two months, which should hopefully make things fly by faster. I've thought about restaurants to hit up when I come home (Jethro's, Burgoo, Boston's spicy perogy and popeye pizza, Sugarcane, DQ, (my friend) Dunbar Indian Grill, DIM SUM, and any Japanese restaurant will do at this point). Oh and Ashley, you'll have had 8 months to find and perfect a perogy recipe to make up for our loss of the The Perogy Place. I'd get cracking on that if you haven't already. Jen Bono has an awesome recipe in case you don't know where to start. Meg, your house better be barren on the outside because I'm putting up your Christmas lights as per tradition. Mom can spew holiday cheer all over inside, but the lights better be in the back shed waiting for me (p.s. I think we could aim for Friday or Saturday night Dec 14th or 15th). And of course, there's the beauty of Christmas baking, turkey, gravy and mashed potatoes and carols and cold weather and toques. And Norman...my dear sweet guitar, Norman. He's in good hands right now, but Katelyn when I come home, we're going to have a jam fest and when I say "Guitar me!", Norman better be put in my hands. I clearly have many demands. Deal with it. 

Since I didn't have to play any instruments, I got to sleep in on Sunday. Sooo good. Had a weird dream where Janos came into my apartment to wake me up and I couldn't get my eyes open. He was chatting about my wardrobe because it's recently come to light that my slimmer figure (I haven't lost much weight, but I've lost circumference) and ill-fitting baggy shorts make it easy for one to question my sexual identity. I find it humourous and understandable. I wish I had my shorter shorts here, but I was under the impression that they wouldn't be culturally appropriate. When we went to Haiti, everything had to be knee length and not tight fitting. I assumed it would be the same here. I was wrong. To be fair, I'm definitely more on the tomboy side than the girly girl side. I attribute it to growing up with two older brothers and loving the active life as opposed to staying in to dress up, do makeovers, and read books. Definitely not a book person. I'd rather have an adventure myself than imagine an adventure through a book. Anyways, when I come home, I'll be taking the rest of my summer clothes (the feminine stuff) back with me along with my soccer cleats and yoga pants (the additional active wear). I'll probably need to buy a new pair of Toms too. My ash pair already has the pinky hole and it's getting larger. They're still super comfy but it just gets uncomfortable when rocks get inside. My light blue pair are doing fine except the sun's making them appear more off-white than blue. So many reasons to look forward to coming home in December.

This week should be pretty busy with studying for the practical and mini. In addition to that, Tuesday I have training for Ross Ambassadors (a program to help incoming students with questions and connections), then the RCF Mixer. Wednesday I've got a soccer game. Saturday I'll be accompanying Christina for music at small group (I'm sure some form of practice will happen during the week). There aren't too many events, I just need to make sure I schedule out my time well enough to study six week's worth of material. Molly's mentioned going for a hike after the mini, so there's another adventure to look forward too. Likely to be followed with some pics to give you some visual stimulation. 

All right good people. There's your update on what's happened, and what is expected to happen. Hope you're all doing well and living well. And Happy Thanksgiving to my fellow Canadians. Eat lots of turkey for me!

Snickerdoodles, Songs, & Schtuff

Ok crew, you know I'm a people person and a big reason for that is because I have some awesome people in my life. May I just say that the Deutsch family (and Katelyn Dyck) fall under that category of awesome people. I received a wonderful birthday package from them. I had no idea what to expect when Mac sent me an email on my birthday letting me know something was enroute. I was expecting a card, but imagine my surprise when I was given a box, unwrap it, and open it to find notes/cards from each individual member of the family and a couple dozen snickerdoodles. I couldn't help but laugh when I saw the individual stacks of the world's most underrated cookie wrapped up in saran. I know I've said it before, but this family really is special to me because of the individual relationships I have with every member and then with the family as a whole. I don't think many people get that, not even in their own biological families. Not only have I been blessed with my own parents and brothers, but I have both the Krauses and Deutschs that I know I have a place in the family. Heck, I'm in the Krause Christmas family portrait! So it should be no surprise I'm into people because people have taken interest and put time into me.

I also received cards from my grandparents and parents. Earlier in the month I received a card from my aunt and uncle. With their gift, I bought Mumford & Sons' sophomore album "Babel" which is proving to be just as good as their debut album "Sigh No More". They haven't strayed far from their style at all. The great harmonies are still there. The immense passion and vocal power are ever present. They've added strings to a few tracks which provides a fuller sound that absolutely compliments the song without crowding it. More importantly, the lyrics are still just as poetic with the olde English feel. Sometimes when artists attain great success, there's pressure to get another album out there so that you (and the record execs) can cash in while you've still got the public's attention. What results quite often are some lyrically lacking songs and a weak record. Unfortunately, I felt that Joshua Radin's second album "Simple Times" follows that route. His first album "We Were Here" is far better, and I have yet to check out his third due to the disappointment of the second. Nonetheless, Mumford & Sons delivered a sophomore album with artistic integrity and I am very much appreciating it.

Keeping along the lines of artistic integrity and my love for musicals, check out this featurette for Les Miserable. I saw it last week when my friend Debbie posted it on her Facebook wall. I had no idea that they were recording the vocal tracks live. There's something incredibly terrifying about that, but I certainly respect the motivation behind the decision. I'm just hoping that their vocal talent is up to par. I do have fears about hearing Russel Crowe as Javert. He has so many important songs that it'd be a bummer if he sucked. "Confrontation" has to be epic (for a laugh, check out this rendition) Excited to see and hear Aaron Tveit. He was part of the original cast of Next to Normal following it from off-Broadway to Tony award winning Broadway. Without a doubt, Next to Normal is my favourite contemporary musical. I don't think it's touring anymore, but I know that the original cast has gone on to other projects and that it's done its run on Broadway. So your chances of seeing it at Tony caliber are slim, but if you ever happen to get the chance (even if it's a local theatre company performance), check it out. 

All right, music-loving over, time to move on to the other stuff. Thursday was the Neuro practical. I just needed it to come and go much like any other exam. It went fairly well, but I also know I didn't ace it. The Anatomy practical is on October 15th and then the mini is on the 16th. The neuro unit is done and now we're on to endocrine, meaning I get to know more about my Grave's disease. Should be pretty awesome.

After the practical, I headed home to find Magdalene in the beginning stages of cleaning my apartment. So I quickly went inside to grab my phone and wallet and headed down the hill to The Junction for a proper breakfast with hash browns, sausage, and pancakes. I turned on the TV at the owners request and it happened to be showing Cars 2. I didn't really care much for it, but it helped serve the purpose of eating and giving Magdalene time to clean. Finished up, made some small talk with the owner, then headed back up to an empty clean apartment. Showered up, packed up, and headed to C5 to study and prep for the Endocrine unit. It was after 5 when I decided I was done. Headed out and chatted with a couple classmates, then met up with Malini and Candyce who were chatting about 10 meters (~32 feet) away. Candyce had made plans to help some other classmates bottle beer they had brewed. I believe he said it was a stout. Regardless, I'm impressed that someone has time for that kind of hobby here. Malini and I headed to a convenience store to buy some drinks and snacks for her birthday celebration part 2. We couldn't celebrate in full on style last week because we needed to study (but we all know that I didn't use my weekend for much studying). Malini's a sweet girl with an awesome singing voice. There's nothing complicated with her. Not to say that she's boring, but just that there's no need to doubt intentions or sincerity with her. While she's not one to share much about herself, you know that when she does say something she's being transparent and not twisting any words. She's so easily and effortlessly contented, it's hard to treat her special on her birthday. So you're left with trusting her that your simple presence is enough, and anything extra is just gravy. That's my experience of Malini.

At 7, we gathered at Malini's apartment for mingling games and dinner. After that we watched the end of Forest Gump (to marvel at a young Haley Joel Osment) followed by the last quarter of Rise of the Apes (to marvel at nothing) and then we headed to Tulips. Keep in mind that this is Thursday night and we have class from  8-10 and then Small Group Learning (the new name for Problem Based Learning) the next day, and I actually planned on going to class. So after chatting up familiar faces, a round of "Happy Birthday" in five different keys simultaneously, I headed home at midnight. Recognizing that I've been severely sleep deprived for over a week and unable to cover the debt, I decided I'd skip the first lecture and sleep in.

Woke up at 7:45 naturally (the alarm would have gone off at 8) and had a leisurely breakfast. Headed to class which was more than half empty (I'm assuming most of the class attenders had a late night) and then had SGL. My SGL group is awesome. I've got Janos, Jerome, and Erin and then some others that I met and they seem pretty cool. There's three Canadians in our group. I'm the only BC rep but that's ok. After SGL, I headed to IGA to get some groceries, headed home, showered, went back to campus to mediasite the lecture I missed that morning and start working on those pancakes that had piled up throughout the week (coincidentally, I'm starting to enjoy pancakes again, especially those at The Junction, not so much the metaphorical kind though). Headed home just after 5 and started cooking some dinner. Our building decided we'd have a potluck and scheduled it for that evening. I wasn't sure if we were all attending so I made a rather large portion of pasta casserole. In the end, there was an excess of food, but it was good to all hang out. On the bottom floor are Chelsea and her roommate (whose name is escaping me) in a two bedroom unit. On the second floor is Andrew, Matt, Paul, and Frances but only Andrew and Matt came to dinner. On the top floor is Esther, myself, Tete, and some other person I've never met. Esther and I went to dinner and Tete showed up at the end. After dinner, we all went our separate ways whether it was heading back to campus to study or staying in to study or to chill out. I chose the chill out route as dishes desperately needed to be washed and I needed to stay on top of getting those sleep hours back.

Saturday, I went to yoga. Saw Ali on my way and we chatted a bit. Deliciously stretched and legitimately slept during the last 10 minutes. Trudy put drops of lavender by our heads and I'm pretty sure the aroma helped me dose off easier. I don't even remember what I was supposed to imagine while sleeping-I mean meditating. Headed home, showered, ate breakfast, packed up, and went to campus. Ali and I had lunch together and talked about our weekend so far. Then back to studying 'til 4 when I headed to the CAC for music practice. After practice, I headed to Jenner field to play soccer with the RCF team and see Ali for the third time that day (not a bad thing, never a bad thing). We had a good turnout and had a lot of chances and plenty of offensive pressure. Our backchecking is pretty lacking but we're getting better. Our attitudes...well, they could use some work. I gotta be honest, I don't get why playing a competitive sport can bring out the worst in us, but it's embarrassing and makes me wonder why we're even playing if we're not committed to the core values of the RCF team. I mean you can't name your team the Humble Hitters and think that the name will do the work. It's admittedly a frustrating experience and don't get me wrong, I'm just as guilty. I'm not deflecting the blame at all. I take full ownership of the way I fail to live up to my own expectations. While I might not bring chippiness to the field, I lack the appropriate level of restraint when confronting Silas and Colonel (our captains) on issues. I lack the patience to give someone the benefit of the doubt when there's a momentary lapse in character. I lack the gentleness to express a concern tactfully. Believe me, there's plenty to work on on my part.

After the game, I headed to small group as Tiffany was speaking and I wanted to be there to support her. She focused on the concept of humility. When I arrived, they were all thinking of people they thought were humble and reasons why they picked them. While I know a plethora of awesome people, it's hard to find examples of standout humility champions. Oddly enough, Chelsea Thorp was the first person I thought of and it's weird because I haven't seen or talked to Chelsea since high school. However, my memory of her is deep seated. She was this wonderful cheerful person. Super talented, friendly, and unwilling to take a compliment without reflecting it on the other person or deflecting it towards God. In addition, she had this incredible heart for people. When I was in Grade 10, there was a guy named Justin who came to our youth group. He was mentally and physically disabled with a perma-happy demeanor unaware of his handicap. As youth leaders, we were happy to have him, to pick him up and drive him back home, but Chelsea would take it further. She'd go out of her way to really get to know the guy. It's like talking to a child with the language of a young adult who doesn't censor the thoughts going through his head, but Chelsea persisted enough to discover who he was. The rest of us, being immature leaders/teenagers, knew he'd probably been made fun of his entire life but because he's a child in a grown body, we put on these glasses that saw him as that. A happy grown child and nothing more. And when you do something as ignorant as that, you say to yourself "Well he's happy so he's good to go. I can focus on these other youth who coincidentally, I really enjoy being around." I remember one day Chelsea called me to discuss the small group we led together and then we started talking about Justin and she just broke down. She was so devastated about the anguish that Justin had endured in school. The teasing, the bullying, the beating, and of course through it all, the not understanding why. Let's face it, teasing isn't always cleverly disguised with sarcasm. Sometimes it's straight up mean and a kid will know you're being mean and if not, then he'll definitely know when you're kicking him. We all had such a pumped up ego that we didn't care to learn these things or talk to him about it, but Chels, she was humility personified. Nothing was too beneath her. In her eyes, everything was worth digging through the miry clay. I don't know if she's still the same person today as she was back then. It doesn't really matter. It wouldn't change my mind. The effect on my life has already been made and I'm a better person because she was in my life. I'd like to think that I try my best to be humble and try harder with people and Chels was one of many who showed me how to do that.

Sunday went well. I was without a drummer and made some adjustments to the set list. I kicked it old school with some Vineyard classics and a throwback to the hymns (because Be Thou My Vision will always be relevant). Rachel and Esther were scheduled to lead the children's program, but Esther was sick and obviously I was leading music so I wasn't available. Good thing Jamie was around because she was ecstatic to help out. She must like kids. I think you all know that I don't really jive with kids. I'm petrified of holding babies. Then when they're older, they want to play the same game over and over and it's never Hide & Seek because you're either too good at hiding and they hate losing or you're taking too long to find them; and I just don't have the energy for that. Most of all, they don't get my jokes!!! I can handle the ages of "can hold their own head up and not spit up" all the way to "read me the same book over and over". It's a small window. I know that some wonderful women back home are thinking "But you were so good with kids at church". Thank you ladies, but I was just trying really really hard and that one summer internship as the Kids Director really did a number on me. I think we all know I work better with teenagers and adults. After lunch, I hit up C5 and rocked it out good. At times when I felt like I was going crazy, Ali would show up out of nowhere to give me the boost I needed. Candyce and I had dinner together and then back to the books 'til 10.
 
I did some creeping on Facebook today and saw multiple friends in pictures from the CIBC Run for the Cure. It was awesome to see people from church, school, and work participating in this great cause. Proud of all of you! Anyways, this is long and doesn't need to get any longer. Hope you're all doing well and enjoy October :)