One month of residency done. Two paychecks in. I've started using a budget sheet and scheduled a meeting with a financial advisor. It's nice to be able to develop a strategy to get out of my massive student debt.
One month of residency done. Hours of bike riding in. My pants tell me my thighs, ass, and lower back are getting bigger while I will them to get their act together because I hate shopping. It's nice to have a healthy body.
One month of residency done. Many new acquaintances in. My closest classmate is Amanda who is from Richmond and also went to a Caribbean med school (the only other female Canadian who studied abroad in our class of 13). It's nice to have a confidante to text with daily.
One month of residency done. Ten days at the North Vancouver family med clinic in . My preceptor loves me, some patients have asked if I am accepting patients, and the MOAs (Medical Office Assistants - they are not just secretaries) were surprised this was my first month of residency because my confidence made them think I was at least a 2nd year. It's nice to have an ego boost before the grind really starts kicking in.
One
month of residency done. All Wednesday night dinners with Grandma in.
I'm happy I've still been able to make these dinners happen, even though
I know that won't be the case soon. It's nice to have that routine
with her and I hope to continue to prioritize seeing her weekly (my
apartment is a 10 minute walk away from hers).
One month of residency done. Zero small group meetings and three Sunday services in. My church tells me I'm missed and I miss them too. It's nice to maintain connections as best I can, but I will need to find a small group that meets on a different day as Thursdays will always be out of the running. It's also nice to be able to tithe financially again.
One month of residency done. Two new movies, one new album, and a handful of catch-up dates in. My schedule allowed me to see The Big Sick (with Deen) and Spider-man (with Kurtis), give the new HAIM album a solid thumbs up, and consume much food with other lovely people. I was even able to take in Canada Day festivities and see one of my favourite local bands Hey Ocean! in concert followed by Sam Roberts. It's nice to still have a social life and keep up my hobbies and interests.
One month of residency done. Next month is Pediatric clinic in Burnaby, with Thursdays at my family med clinic in North Van. I have an 11-day span without a day off, and that should be interesting. It's nice that I won't have to work nights or be on call for the month.
One month of residency done. I'm looking forward to developing a routine, to meeting more people, to learning and solidifying skills, to maintaining my integrity and continuing to live life confidently.
One month of residency done. I still find myself surprised that I'm here with each reminder that I've made it despite the odds being against me. I hope to never take this gift for granted.
We've completed orientation and today marks our first official day of residency, as July 1st has marked the occasion for decades. For all the Canadian IMGs, orientation was a redundant 2 weeks of being constantly told that it's okay to say "I don't know" and to ask questions and to take care of yourself throughout residency. It's a cultural mentality we're familiar with in Canada. I'm sure some IMGs appreciated knowing they're supported in that aspect of their lives and it's encouraging to see UBC be a leader in terms of providing many resources for residents to develop resilience and cultivate overall wellness.
Unfortunately, residents (and med students) have some awful stats when it comes to depression, anxiety, and suicide. In some ways, it's to be expected given the rigor and pressure that comes with the "noble" profession. The truth is we're human and some of us aren't able to cope well, or we think we should be mentally stronger than the average person. If everything works as expected, your colleagues will look out for you, help you get the help you need, and you heal. If everything works as intended, your destructive path is stopped because there's a community of people supporting you all along the way. In the end, you learn life skills to help you function and recognize when you're not at your best. But everything doesn't always work out the way we want, or there are decisions made that make the difference between helping a colleague find healing and removing that colleague entirely from the supportive community.
As excited as I am to start my residency, it was beyond heartbreaking to learn that a Ross grad was the gunman in the fatal shooting that took place at Bronx-Lebanon Hospital yesterday. I was at Bronx-Leb in Oct 2015 for my Family Med Sub-internship. Both hospitals I worked at in New York City (Bronx-Leb and Brookdale) are in low socioeconomic status areas, where every orientation involves an active shooter safety video. We weren't shocked by the videos because we knew we were in a high crime zone. What's shocking about this shooting is that it was a doctor; someone who at some point in his life served to preserve and respect the dignity of human life. This is very rare. So this hurts for all of us physicians, all IMGs, all Rossies - the entire medical community. My heart goes to the colleagues I have there, especially to the Ross residents and students who were present during the shooting. (Note: I will not give names or say if I know any involved persons because that is not important. This is personal regardless of how many people I know.)
Over the next few days, news outlets will try their best to inform the public as to who this doctor is, which in most cases results in outcry against many things. After that, they'll probably cover gun control, hospital security, immigrants who fail to "assimilate", whether IMGs are good for the country, and perhaps a brief glaze over mental health. He will be painted as a troubled man. "Disgruntled" will be used multiple times. How people/companies react to this portrayal is where the harm/benefit factor really comes in for me.
There will be people who say, "He never should have been hired in the first place! That would have prevented this whole thing!". These are typically the same people who support the knee-jerk reaction to terminate employees after they've committed a certain offense. A non-fatal example would be the firing of Ian Power and his producer from CKNW following an interview where Power made racially insensitive comments. Many were in favour of the radio network's swift decision. Interestingly enough, the interviewee, Denise Balkissoon, who was on the receiving end of Mr. Power's comments thought the network handled the situation poorly. She would have preferred that Power and his producer go through a cultural sensitivity seminar to educate and help them re-evaluate their views regarding multiculturalism and subsequently be able to communicate the importance of that process through their jobs. She didn't want them to be fired. She wanted to have productive conversations with them so that understanding and growth could be had. She wanted healing. Instead, you're left with two people with deep wounds not only by being cut from the company, but now with the stigma from the reasons why and not having that opportunity to reconcile. Will they actually change their views or just keep quiet about their views at future jobs and harbour bitter resentment?
It's this area where the strategy veers way off course. We stress resiliency and wellness and say we're here to support you through everything...unless you're caught doing/saying something racist or sexist or some other outward manifestation of inner thought processes deemed inappropriate. Am I the only one seeing the disconnect here? How can we say we'll help you address depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues, but then show you the door with other thought/mental processes/issues. It sends a mixed message. Imagine that that happened to you. Would it not feel like the rug has been taken out from underneath you by the same people who are there to help you find your footing in the first place? How could you not be angry and distrusting? I admit that some people may never change despite how many times you try to help them, but they're an exception.
I don't know what interventions, if any, took place with the intent to help this doctor develop professionalism during med school or his time at Bronx-Leb. From what I've read and interviews I've seen, people are quick to label him as "crazy" and "belligerent". Most telling is a quote provided by law enforcement who say the doctor yelled "Why didn't you help me when I was getting in trouble?" at another doctor whom he then tried to shoot. A literal cry for help. He knew he needed help, and knew he didn't get it. The powers that be thought they were reducing harm by cutting him off from the Bronx-Leb community. How tragic that it ultimately resulted in multiple deaths, critical and stable victims, and thousands of emotionally wounded.
This speaks to influence and the magnitude it has for good or bad. We're quick to think little of ourselves in terms of having an influence. We think only the great or the horrible can leave a legacy - just the extremes, not the in-betweens. Well tell your bruised ego to fuck off. You don't have to aim for the stars when you're being purposeful in life. Sometimes you just have to be there and that's enough. Maybe you'll impact thousands or hundreds or dozens or a handful, it doesn't matter. It's not zero, and it's not a competition. Be something good in this world not for the reputation, but because you want be something good in this world. It's as simple as that. Showing love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control from a simple smile, or a text, or not saying anything - you have no idea what level of influence it'll have. Don't focus on that. Just think of the good you want to do, and then act on it.
