Long goodbyes

Yes, I'm late again. So this will be ridiculously long.

Saturday, the family gathered at Champs for brunch. We're really trying to spend as much time as reasonably possible with each other before we break up. After brunch, it was back to the books. Skyped with the parents who shared about their recent vacation in Oregon. Then back to MOTS.

Sunday was the last RCF gathering where all the 4ths would be around. Unfortunately, few people other than the 4ths clued into that. Otherwise it was a standard service in which Dr. Loy spoke about unity and I squirmed in my seat as I could not be more aware of the disunity in RCF. It's been a tradition to pray for the 4ths after the sermon, but like I said, few people had their thinking caps on, and thus we were forgotten. I'm not saying we deserved to be prayed for, but it would have been appreciated and a nice way for us to say goodbye to the rest of the congregation. Obviously, those of us sticking around a tad longer before 5th starts know we'll be able to spend time with those who aren't going away for break. But still, I'm a bit disappointed. After the service ended, one of my classmates, Moon, gathered all the 4ths for a picture. Laura came up to me to give a big hug. She said she didn't know how to say goodbye without crying. So I said "Don't say it then". I'd be praying for them before their final so I'd see Diane, Chelsea, and Laura on Wednesday. That could be our goodbye and then she could cry.

SO MUCH MOTS!! Nothing to break up Monday or Tuesday.

Wednesday I started getting back into the swing of waking up early in preparation for the Comp which is at 8am. Woke up at 7. Changed, brushed the teeth, then headed out to pray for the 3rds for their final. Passed by Diane who was waiting for a couple friends. Got to St. James where the others were already gathered, including Chelsea and Esther. Prayed for them, shared a couple sweaty hugs, then headed back home. Crossed paths with Emily from the CSS E-board, wished her good luck, passed by Diane again with her friends in tow and then got home to shower, eat breakfast, then head off to C4. 

Around 5pm Chelsea and Diane came in. They were fresh from the beach. We headed outside to chat and skirt around the issue of goodbyes with small talk. I brought my camera to campus that day. For all this talk about these two girls, we have zero posed pictures together. Leave it to the last day together to rectify that. The goodbyes were hard to come by, but couldn't be avoided. To make it "less painful" I had reached out to both girls in their unique ways the last two weeks. Knowing that we're all studying and don't have free time to sit down and rehash and reminisce, I "put in my time" via the internet or on paper. Eventually, I needed to get back to studying, and they needed to pack and get some rest. So hugs were had, "Love you"s exchanged, waves while walking backwards, and then it was done.

Diane, me, Chelsea

If we were afforded the time, we would have had a cry fest, but for efficiency sake and for self-preservation, we opted out of that. Thankfully, I had a hilarious message from Genny awaiting my return to my seat. She has perfect timing and can always make me smile sadness away to an extent or at least provide a necessary distraction. Of course she has no idea just how perfect her timing has been.

A couple hours later, the family met up at Riverside for a final family dinner together. Candyce and Harper were taking off early the next day. So the dinner marked the last time we'd all be together for a while, if not forever. It was a standard family dinner. Then it was past 9pm and we knew we needed to get going. Took a final family photo together and then walked to campus one last time. We hugged Candyce goodbye and then Harper walked with us back to C4 where we said goodbye to him. "Tough" doesn't come close to describing it. Harper has been an absolute gentleman the entire time I've known him. In the beginning, he reminded me so much of Kurtis in his personality, but over the course of the past year and a half, the differences have become apparent and I appreciate Harper's soft spoken demeanor and kindness. Since repeating, he has busted his ass and really turned things around and you just feel so proud of him as if he were actually your little brother. We have a close friendship and I really do value him. Unfortunately, we both didn't want to cry in front of each other with the rest of the family around. We had a good long hug and then we both had to turn away; me towards Malini and him to hugging the rest of the guys. As he walked away, he was wiping his eyes and let's just say I went immediately to the washroom to wash my face. We were able to say proper goodbyes to each other via Facebook later on that evening.

The Island Family

Thursday had that weird feeling to it as you're woken up at 5am listening to taxis honk their horns to notify departing students that their ride to the airport is waiting. The hustle and bustle. Normally I'd laugh at the sounds and smile, but this time, I knew who those taxis were taking away and it just sunk in more. The city is so quiet now with the population easily cut in half by now. Just us 4ths left on campus. I set my stuff up in C4 before 9am. Dimal came in shortly after and we grabbed breakfast together while quizzing each other. Back to C4 to study where Janos eventually joined us, then around 5pm we headed to Tomato's for a last dinner there (they were closing up for break after that night). The boys headed home after that. I dropped off some books at hope, then headed back to C4 to get a couple more hours in before calling it a night myself.

Last supper at Mater's

Thursday night's dreams were odd to say the least. The weirdest one was being at Pam's house for a sleepover like the old days of youth group, except it was just her, me, and Andrea. I can't remember the last time we were all together. Anyways, Andrea needed to take her medication but she took it in the middle of the night, in the dark, and then was going to take a Benadryl to help her sleep. This is how you know I've been studying for too long. This drug had a half life of a year and in the dark looked very much like a Benadryl capsule. Anyways, I was in the middle of freaking out that she was going to mistakenly take two pills of her crazy drug and die from toxicity when thankfully my alarm went off. Probably not the best way to wake up, but it wouldn't make a difference. The Comp killed all of us equally. Our family is a smart bunch, but even the smartest ones aren't sure about their performance. I guess we'll find out soon enough if we need to write it again in October. You don't have to pass it in order to move on to 5th. You need to pass it in order for Ross to allow you to write the Step. A grueling exam had us leaving the testing centre at 12:30. Food was had, plans for the evening made, and then we all went home to rest our minds, which involves me locking myself in my room, turning on the A/C, and jamming on a guitar. Due to much demand from Malini, I finally posted the Banquet pictures on Facebook. That was quite the task. Around 7, the family gathered at Malini's to order in Golden Dragon and hang out until we headed up to Champs for the last hurrah. They had a bonfire there to burn your notes. No way in hell I am doing that. Those notes are gold. Chatted with a lot of people and said most of the goodbyes I needed to say. The family headed down to Tulips by 2am where we said farewell to Dimal and Jerome. We already looked up flights for them from Miami to Detroit and they're pretty cheap. So at least Jerome will be out for Janos and Justin's Halloween party. Hopefully Dimal will too. Janos, Kat, and I hung out a big longer. By the time we were done it was close to 3am. Home, shower, bed.

Kat's flight was later in the afternoon than the rest of the family who were on an early morning flight. So the two of us did brunch and then she was off, leaving me as the last remaining family member on the island. An hour later, I met up with Jamie and a bunch of other classmates for a group lunch/brunch at Champs. There were over 20 of us. Even though we made reservations, they ran out of ingredients and not everybody got what they wanted. It was also a bit odd because you're rubbing shoulders with people you normally don't hang out with/people you're not particularly fond of. But hey, it's a one time thing and most of them won't be in Michigan. After that, more goodbyes were had, then I headed home, organized my notes, and took 'er easy.

Sunday we had church in the Large Learning Lab. Not a lot of people around and a good chunk that were there will be leaving in the next couple of days. So more goodbyes were experienced. LIAT, the main airline that serves Dominica has been majorly dropping the ball for the past week. Harper ended up staying in St. Maarten for two nights because his flight was so delayed, he missed his connection and couldn't get another flight 'til a couple days later. The family all got delayed majorly as well. Some students didn't even leave the island and had to be temporarily put up in Ross Housing. Pretty bad stuff. Hopefully things will smooth over in time for the new class to come in (next week).

Well guys, this is it. This is where I say goodbye to you for a while. You've been able to tag along for my first two years of med school and I hope you enjoyed the experience. But like any television show, there needs to be a hiatus and a time to recharge. There's no hiding that the last year and a half have chiseled away at me beyond what I would have expected or imagined. I'm lucky to have survived this far and hopefully I can survive the rest, but right now, I need me time. If only "me time" meant a vacation, when in actuality, it means isolating myself and hardcore studying for the most important test I'll take in my life thus far (don't worry, there will be more important tests if I get past this one). I hope that this blog served a purpose for you other than just catching up with my life. This wouldn't exist if you hadn't asked for it and I wouldn't post almost every week if I didn't hope that I could cause you to think about deeper and important things in life. I plan on returning to the blog after I've written the Step exam and have settled into 5th Semester in Saginaw and am reunited with most of the island family and Genny where I'm sure I'll have adventures instead of endless MOTS. By all means, I am still available to you via email if you feel compelled to contact me. 

Thank you again for your love, support, prayers, and words of encouragement. Sustenance has never come in a more tangible and necessary form and I truly am grateful for that. I certainly miss you all and cannot wait 'til Christmas break to see your faces and catch up on all that I've missed while away (engagements, weddings, babies, career changes, etc). 'Til then, may God bless you and fill your lives with purposeful moments and time well spent.

Love,
Kirsten

I hear you, I see you

I am counting down the days 'til we're done with this semester. So ready to be done. The review program started its Physio portion on Saturday. I had been attending class every day up until then. I lasted one hour. The prof's voice was far too nasal to be normal or tolerated. When he dismissed the class for break, I packed up my stuff and headed to C4. I forewarned Genny since she hadn't shown up to class yet. So now we just see each other for the mandatory quizzes.

I followed up my last leading at RCF by doing my last drumming stint of the semester on Sunday. Made an effort to use every set of sticks I brought and of course, the egg shaker. Lunch with the usual suspects, then the cycle of MOTS.

Despite how absurd the concept of mandatory attendance at quizzes is, I enjoy them because it's a time when the family gathers in the same place with Genny and Adam and we all enjoy each other's company. I may have ulterior motives in that I want the family to get to know Genny better in preparation for 5th in Michigan. So I'm probably enjoying these quiz sessions more than they are.

A typical day these past two weeks has me studying in C4, going to the quiz, then studying again, with food and a nap interspersed. I go a bit crazy when every day is the same. Luckily there's always something to break things up.

Monday was MOTS until I crossed paths with Courtney during a bathroom break. Her Mini 3 was in a couple days so I asked how she was doing. It ended up being a 30 minute conversation in the bathroom as she shared about her experience of the semester and the anxieties she has about the final. I let her bounce ideas off me and shared my experience of third semester (my worst academic semester) to ease her mind. Told her I'd hook her up with some study resources for the final, gave her a reassuring shoulder rub, with a pep talk, and then we went our separate ways. Before I forgot, I sent her an email with the resources and reaffirmed my confidence in her abilities to perform well enough on her exams. I shared about certain hardships I had been enduring the past month mentally and emotionally to show her that despite trying circumstances, God carried me through. Said I'd be praying for her and wished her the best of luck. Now in all my email interactions with Courtney, she's typically done the standard "Thank you so much" reply about a day later. Well minutes later she replied thanking me for reminding her of the big picture. She said that in her times of weakness and stress since day one, I've been there to lift her up and remind her of what matters. Admittedly, at first I thought she was just saying things to be nice, but then she reminded me that I was on the Welcome Committee when she arrived. She was on my bus more often than not and she had asked me all kinds of questions then and throughout her first semester. For whatever reason, I had completely forgotten about how we met and that we had that history. In an ironic twist, she was reminding me of the big picture reason as to why I'm here. 
 
Tuesday morning, I met with a woman from RCF to listen to some concerns she and others have. These concerns were different from the concerns that the two girls approached me about last week (I don't know why people choose me, but I appreciate their willingness to share). Much like any other person, I dole out my opinion or form of advice when prompted, but I also know the importance of leaving out my thoughts and just hearing a person out and understanding their point of view. I think I was first introduced to active listening in high school, but it's definitely something I've been presented with multiple times in life and definitely in med school. It helps me be able to step back from events, gather information, and then make an informed opinion, especially when it comes to conflicts. At the same time, it allows me to keep neutrality and let involved parties know that I've understood their stance. 

The meeting on Tuesday gave a feeling reminiscent of the transition time at NDEFC, but involving what I would consider a bit more of a controversial issue. At ND, the issue was about the resignation of the youth pastor after being strongly encouraged to do so by members of the executive board, and the congregation thinking they deserved a say/vote in the matter. If you break it down to facts and legality, the bylaws were upheld, but feelings were hurt. So it was an emotionally driven conflict. At RCF, the main issue is about the role of women and their inability to serve in leadership in terms of "executive board" positions. Admittedly, it's something I didn't know about until recently, despite being here for over a year. Serving as a worship leader is of no concern, but if I wanted to head up the worship ministry (much like I did at NDEFC), that wouldn't be possible because I have two X chromosomes. I also learned that even though we have a kids ministry organized and led by a woman, it doesn't fall under any umbrella within the E-board. So she's been on her own to plan lessons and the program as a whole. Now the leader for children's church has changed as semesters go on, but arguably this semester's leader has taken the most proactive stance in terms of actually feeding into the kids' lives as opposed to babysitting them for an hour or so. At the beginning of the semester she wanted to meet with the executive board to gain some direction and ensure that her lesson plan followed the sermon outline. Unfortunately, the response she received was along the lines of "We don't allow women to attend our meetings". She ended up contacting me for the sermon schedule (I didn't know she had already tried another route and received that response).

It all seems archaic and I know that it bothers people a lot more than it does me which is why I have a feeling that when (not if) this comes to light for the entire congregation, it could very much break up RCF. While I'm fine with churches having preferences, the extreme stance that RCF has taken seems counterproductive and hurtful. There's poor communication, inefficiencies, and ineffective ministries as a direct result of this "rule". Not that it's a generalization I'm fond of, but when you think of a spouse of a med student, it's likely to be a woman. We have a bunch of wives with a fair amount of free time on the island. They use that time by getting involved in the church, the school, and the local community. Truth be told, the spouses do loads more evangelism than the rest of RCF. They're an invaluable resource. Knowing that they've had to jump through a lot of hoops and go through inefficient processes to get their ideas presented to the e-board and have most of those ideas be shot down, well, that's mildly infuriating. From what I understood from my 2 hour long listening session, different groups of people have already left, will leave, or are contemplating leaving RCF. Part of me feels bad for not knowing and thus not addressing the issue earlier, but another part of me is relieved that I'll be leaving soon and won't have to deal with it. Definitely something to pray about though.

Wednesday got broken up with a CSS meeting where next semester's E-board met with the existing E-board. It's a transitional meeting where roles are described and ideas are brainstormed for next semester. A good chunk of the existing E-board will serve next semester which is encouraging. Kristen will be the Prime Minister so we're confident that the club will continue to establish itself off the heels of our heightened presence this semester. We gave a few words of wisdom, enjoyed some food, mingled, and then went our separate ways. Studied up in C4 'til around 9pm when a classmate came in with a barely day-old puppy. It was apparently found under a portable on campus with no mom or other puppies in sight. It was crying like a baby and frantically searching for a nipple. We all crowded around her as she held the puppy close to her chest and fed the pup store-bought milk with a straw. We all whipped out our phones and took pictures.

Excuse the gratuitous boob action

Thursday got broken up by a meeting with Team Non-Melanoma. My wishes for apathy were accomplished in one other team member, but the rest of the team is still very gung-ho. We met on the Subway deck during lunch hour (but we weren't eating lunch), so I was tired, hungry, and uninterested. I must have not been hiding it well because midway through someone talking, the alpha male classmate (though that's not fair, I'm surrounded by type A personalities) asked "Kirsten, do you need some coffee or something?". If Dr. Schlegel wasn't there, I probably would have picked that scrawny boy up and thrown him off the deck. You'd be surprised how much my life reflects JD's from Scrubs in terms of letting a frustrating thought come to fruition in my mind. Instead, I turned to him and said "No, I'm good. I'm listening". By the time I finished the statement, I had already turned into the Hulk, flipped the table, yelled "I don't even drink coffee!", kicked him in the junk, and of course, hurled him into the Caribbean Sea in my mind. After the meeting, I met up with Harper for lunch. Saw Diane while waiting for Harper, enjoyed a cathartic hug (to release the Hulk-induced tension), and caught up a bit with her. After lunch it was MOTS. During a break, I crossed paths with Nathalie (the RCF girl who's taking over my apartment). We chatted about her Mini 3 and the upcoming final. She asked me for tips on studying and much like Courtney, bounced ideas off me about what she should do. Who knew bathroom breaks could serve a purpose other than relieving yourself. MOTS until after the quiz when the family decided to head to Malini's to eat an early dinner (or in my case a 2nd lunch). We ended up staying there from 4:30-7. By the time 7pm hit, Janos and I guilted ourselves to leave and get back to studying much to the dismay of Kat and Malini. So we compromised and said we'd be back around 10 when we ordered pizza and watched The Call. Then we went home.

Today, Genny and the family headed into Portsmouth to get our passport photos taken and printed for our Step 1 registration. Paying for that test was painful. Nothing like saying goodbye to over $800 instantaneously just so you can write a test. I suppose when you're paying ~$20,000/semester it shouldn't make much of a difference. The place we went to was a typical Dominican small shop with one employee. There were 7 of us so it was a long wait, but we're a family and we know how to pass time by talking, joking, and making fun of each other. This is where we thrive as a family, and quite frankly, this is where others get to see how awesome this crew is. It's a great group that lightens the mood and gets you laughing and I know that Genny felt completely at ease as she got into the banter too. After getting our photos, we headed back to campus, ate brunch, then proceeded with MOTS. We reconvened for dinner and as we headed to Tomato's, I saw Diane and Chelsea eating dinner at another restaurant outside. Diane's back facing me. That's right, prime sneak hug position. I gave Malini my purse and chose my route of attack and executed it brilliantly. It's probably been my best work in the history of the sneak hug challenge. She even admitted that it rivaled her sneak hug in the sea. After that highlight, we're back to MOTS. 

The Comp exam is a week away and I have a feeling that this week will drag on. The other downside is that I have less than a week with underclassmen and those taking off to Miami for 5th. Still not sure how I'm going to keep it together emotionally, but I guess we'll wait and see. It's all just a reminder to soak in interactions as much as possible, to pour out the love, be incredibly purposeful, present, and prepared to give a little bit more.

To Banquet and Beyond

Saturday was a busy day. Headed to campus to print out music for worship practice. Skyped with the parents then Deen, then practice, then the mad rush home to shower, pack up my stuff and head over to Candyce's to get ready. So stressful. I brought my bridesmaids dress from Erin's wedding for my banquet gown. Years later, I've been able to re-use that dress for many occasions. Thanks Dimples! So practical! Of course, I always underestimate just how much weight I put on during finals due to all the stress eating and sedentary lifestyle. Definitely a tight squeeze. We loaded into a taxi and headed to campus to meet up with the rest of the family and then loaded onto a bus to Fort Shirley. Commence photo shoot. So many pictures. So much smiling, trying to open my eyes, neglecting my hair when gusts of wind blew by, and forgetting to suck my stomach in. Thankfully, the sun was setting so we had good light but not the heat. 

The Island Family
Guys: Harper, Justin, Janos, Jerome, Dimal
Girls: Kat, Malini, me, Candyce

The girls

My Island husband

 

My Island husband and his actual husband

After all the picture taking and mingling, we secured our spots at a table and settled down for the evening. Buffet style dinner which had consistent mediocre food, but we weren't expecting much. After dinner, the program started consisting of a segment that blended faces together to see what people's kids would look like. Rachel and Alexis would make a pretty cute kid. Then there was a video of students doing impressions of some of our professors. After which, the emcees opened up the mic to anyone who wanted to do some more impressions (with faculty sitting at a table nearby). It got pretty awkward. Like "he's so drunk, not doing a good impression, and is borderline rude" kind of awkward. There were a couple gems, but the rest were unsettling. Then they played a music video that some students in our class made. Every med school class does this and some are phenomenally good. The concept is that you take a popular song, change the lyrics to make it medically related, and then film a music video for it. Well the song these people chose was "Bed Rock" by Young Money. Yeah. No joke. Malini and I found each other cringing through the off key rendition. It would have been a good time to be deaf. At least the video was fairly good. After some speeches and awards, the night moved into the music and dancing portion of the evening, and the family did some more mingling and then head home.

Up early for a Sunday practice where I discovered just how much I was yelling over music the night before. Could not get some notes without losing major volume. It was my last Sunday leading in the semester and Julian was speaking on 2 Peter 3 and anticipating Christ's return and heaven. Choosing songs was pretty easy and fun: You'll Come, Better is One Day, Til I See You, You Hold Me Now (for special music), and Every Move I Make (for a fun filler that the kids did actions for). I've actually never done You Hold Me Now before. It was one I had considered doing at NDEFC for special music, but I found myself unable to get through it as it was around the time Cindy Holbrook passed away. I know that this song absolutely applied to the message Julian was presenting, so I stuck with it. Well if you're really paying attention to the lyrics in the chorus, and you have people incredibly close to you that you'd love those things (i.e. no weeping, hurt, pain, suffering, sick, lame, etc) to take place for right now on earth, you're not going to last long in the song and that's exactly what happened. Half way through singing the chorus after the 2nd verse, I couldn't keep my emotions in check and was just a crying girl playing a guitar. It's possible that I'll never be able to sing that song without holding back tears. I was able to get it a bit together to finish it off, but it was definitely a struggle. Despite the mild embarrassment involved in being that vulnerable in front of a congregation, and despite that most of the congregation had no idea why I was crying, they're still able to "get it". I don't lead worship to fish for compliments. I do it so that I'm using my talents to help others feel free to engage and honestly worship. So it's always a blessing to hear that in spite of my break in leadership in the conventional sense, people were encouraged in their process. Maybe sometimes all it takes is witnessing someone be emotionally broken by lyrics for an other to get what the song's about and actually relate to it themselves. I find when you musically strip down a song like I did for this one, it removes the crutch of getting emotionally connected to the dynamics of the music, and pressures you to focus more on the words you're singing. So when people tell me afterwards that they appreciated my "rawness" and were thus able to sincerely worship, I've served my purpose and hopefully I was able to do that more than just on my last time leading at RCF.

After service, I mediated a meeting with the main leaders of RCF and a couple of girls who had some concerns to share. They had approached me the last couple weeks to share their concerns and ask my opinion on what the likely next step should be. There was no hiding that I was not in the right mindset to be able to help them out personally, so I suggested that they meet with the leaders and work together in a unified process towards a solution. I offered to coordinate and mediate the meeting to ensure things were being properly communicated and understood. The meeting went well and intentions were well placed. There's always the concern of whether people genuinely care or just want to find an "appropriate" outlet for gossip. Hence, why I mediated.

After the meeting, I got some studying in, then watched Chelsea and Diane play football for a bit before taking off to an RCF kids camp in Glanvilla. I thought it'd be a bit of a drive but it turned out the small community center was next door to Golden Dragon. Definitely walking distance from campus. We played a bunch of games with the kids who ranged from 5-16 years old. It got very hot and sweaty with all the running around, but we definitely had fun. We ordered pizza and juice to feed the kids dinner and then we headed back to campus.

Headed to Malini's later in the evening to hang out with some of the family. They were going to watch Sharknado (which is apparently as ridiculous as it sounds), but Harper and I had already made plans to watch Dexter, and Dexter will always win.

MOTS Monday of class, lunch, nap, class, quiz, studying, dinner, studying.

Tuesday was mainly MOTS save for a lunch with Team Non-Melanoma. Apparently we're looking to pursue being published. Quite honestly, it's the furthest thing from my mind and I couldn't care less about it, but the rest of the team seems keen on it as does Dr. Schlegel. During lunch we were discussing different journals and potential conference presentations. So we'll see what happens. I'm hoping we all get hit with a wave of apathy and let it die. Of course, with the lunch taking place at a restaurant and lasting for a while, I missed my usual nap by the time I returned to class. Didn't help that I promised Kat I'd play volleyball with her after class. So tired. Genny's good with giving sympathy and then giving you sass right back. It goes both ways. She knows I need naps just like I know she needs caffeine to get through the day. I told Kat I was super tired, but she was really eager to play so I caved, brought out my change of clothes and headed to the court with her to join other classmates in a few games of pick-up. It's been years since I've really played volleyball, but it was pretty fun. We ended up playing for probably a good hour and a half

Wednesday MOTS.

Thursday, I napped a bit longer than expected and thus missed the 2pm lecture. Arrived on campus for the 3pm quiz where the family and Genny were all sitting around my empty chair. Genny skipped the entire day of class which likely played into over napping. If I know she's not going to be in class, I don't set an alarm. It's an interesting dynamic we have, I know. After the quiz, I Skyped with Erin. We caught up on everything quickly that we were struggling to find things to talk about after an hour. It was a bit absurd but the truth is that not much has changed in our lives. I'm still in school. She's still in Prince Rupert. We realized that even though we message each other every now and then, our Skype history has us seeing and talking to each other every 6 months. Had a good laugh about it, but the beauty about a 20+ year friendship is that you don't need to put a lot of effort into it. That probably sounds bad, but it's true. Erin said it perfectly, "We never need to worry or feel bad about how much or little we contact each other because not much is going on and we know we love each other." It's completely true. Even if I don't hear from Erin in a year, I'm never going to question whether she loves me or not; and vice versa.

After Skyping, the CSS hosted a meeting with the Canadian Advisor Tom Harkness and our Canadian politician/cheerleader Chuck Furey. They come every semester. They first meet with the 4ths to give them their paperwork for obtaining B-1 visas for our clinical years. Answer some questions, then we allow the rest of the semesters to join us and we get a broader presentation. Tom interviewed me when I applied to Ross. He still remembers me even though it was a phone interview, but I'm guessing being Secretary of the club also refreshes his mind regularly.

Today we didn't have class, but that means that we'll have class every day from Saturday to the next Saturday. Then we'll have a week to study for the Comp. Studied up 'til 4:15 then headed home to get ready for a partial family dinner to Sunset Bay aka Lobster Fest. Janos absolutely hates crustaceans (sight, taste, smell). Dimal's not a fan either. So it was just Kat, Malini, Candyce, Jerome, myself, and our non-family friend Siby. Dinner was wonderful and it was nice to have a nice sit-down, non-rushed meal together.

Candyce, Malini, and me pre-lobster overload

Since the final, passing the semester, and being able to decompress and breathe, I've found my personality coming back. Feeling how I normally feel. Feeling like me. I'm enjoying interacting with people, being purposeful in them, and trying to make the most of my time left. It's sad to know that I'm going to have to say goodbye to some awesome people as our class splits up into the three different sites. Dimal and Jerome will be going to Florida while the rest of the family heads to Michigan. Ali and Alexis will be in Florida too and honestly, it's pretty heartbreaking. Ali's always meant a lot to me. There's no denying that I've appreciated her friendship and overall warm personality. So the goodbye is going to be tough. I'm used to seeing her nearly every day for the past year, to her shimmying her back or head into my hand for a massage or scratch when I visit during breaks, to hearing her say "bye" over and over like a child as I leave her presence. Man, I'm gonna miss that girl a lot. 

I've known that I need to hold people with open hands, because people come and people go in life. But there are times; there are people whom you just want to hold on to because they make your life better. They inspire you to be a better person. You feel like you could never soak in enough from them. So when you know that regardless of how tightly or loosely you hold them, they're going to be gone, you're struck with a deep kind of sadness at the idea of losing them. It's something I've wrestled with for the last month. You second guess if you did every thing right and whether you're going to do a good enough job with the time left. It's definitely not something to get consumed with, but I certainly hope and pray that I've been something good in people's lives.